It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
