WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
