It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
