He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
