Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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