So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
