My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
