i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
