I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
