Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
