ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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