His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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