Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
