Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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