Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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