just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
