I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
