Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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