you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
