At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
