We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
