hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
