just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
