My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
