bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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