he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
