it was like eating out sand paper
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
