There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
