I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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