Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
