Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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