She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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