Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
