just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
