thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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