You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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