I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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