I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
