Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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