what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
