It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
