I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
