If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think your dad took our porno
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
