His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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