it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
