She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
