I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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