yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
