I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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