making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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