I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
