I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
