they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
