see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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