FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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